Holy Sheet: Sexy back

2/7/08

By Jordan Royer
Sex Columnist

If sex is a keep-it-in-the-bedroom topic, then why is it that everything these days has some sort of sexual connotation or appearance? I mean, LSC is known by some because of our huge ice penis.

Maybe I am just perverted, I won’t argue there, but I know I am not the only one that thinks some of the things I think. Like that new vibrating face cleaner pad. Take it in the shower and it helps with scrubbing and such. Right, like I am the only one that thought that was a multi-task took right there. Why don’t you just come out and say it in the advertising- want to buy a sexual stimulator but you are too embarrassed? Here, wash yourself with this little vibrating do-hicky, *wink, wink*.

Sexual innuendos are everywhere. In the kitchen-- beat until stiff-- On instructions -- screw tightly, add lubricant if necessary. Or one of my favorites -- be careful not to puncture the nipple--. I mean, with all these being said/read all around me, how can I not constantly be thinking about sex? I mean, baseball is about the only other thing I think about, but maybe that’s because chicks dig the long ball.

My last point is a little different, but still a lot the same. “You two are like two peas in a pod.” Heard that before? Yeah, me too. But let’s be serious now, how many times to you pop open a pea pod and see just two peas in there? Pretty much whenever I have fresh peas from the garden there are like three or four peas in that pod. Telling us something? Hmm. How am I supposed to think about that special someone to share my pod with when there is room for two or three more? Like I said, I won’t argue that I am a little perverted.

Position of the week- The bumble bee (or Hornet for those with school spirit)